More on Appropriateness
I’ve been thinking a bit more about the idea of appropriateness. Another aspect of speaking in particular ways to particular people is the fear of speaking or acting in a way that is outside of an established relationship.
In each of my relationships, I put a lot of effort into making sure I do not make whomever I am with uncomfortable. I try not to say or do anything that might seem, even mildly, out of place.
A simple example brought this home recently. I was out hiking with a group of friends. A man stopped to ask us for directions.
March 22nd, 2007 by Aaron
Appropriate
Lately, I’ve noticed a certain quality to my social anxiety: appropriateness. I put a lot of effort into always trying to act appropriately. Where I got my ideas about what is appropriate is probably worth exploring. But I won’t be doing that just yet. I wanted to take a couple of posts to point what I have noticed.
The first has to do with how I talk to people.
March 8th, 2007 by Aaron
Confidence
I’ve long had this pattern where, staying up late into the night, I get excited about the possibilities of life. I think of all the great things I might do: people I could talk to, places I could go, goals I could achieve. Just anything. And then in the morning I wake up and know that all the dreams of the night before were foolishness. For the longest time I thought this was a normal thing, a pattern that must be familiar to everyone.
Now, finally, I am beginning to relate to it as anxiety.
February 22nd, 2007 by Aaron
Brief Update on Slow Motion Social Anxiety
I went to the show I wrote about last week. And I wore the shirt. And, believe it or not, nothing happened. No one pointed and laughed. No one stared. Other western shirts were worn, though few as colorful and glorious as mine.
So, what is the lesson to learn?
February 8th, 2007 by Aaron
Slow Motion Social Anxiety
A few posts ago I wrote about how I believe there is an aspect of repressed excitement to my social anxiety. Just recently, this played out in a unique way. I was able to spot the pattern because it happened in slow motion.
There’s a concert coming up, one of my favorite artists. And there’s a shirt I recently purchased. I have a thing for retro-style western shirts. But they tend to be a bit… loud… flashy… colorful. And this one is of the more extravagant variety, similar to these examples (though, no, I was not lucky enough to pick up a Rockmount).
February 1st, 2007 by Aaron
Distress and SAD
About a week ago I got a rather nasty bout of food poisoning. It wasn’t the most pleasant of experiences, but it did illuminate a few interesting points about my social anxiety.
First, the choices I make about how to deal with my anxious feelings are often made when I am at my most desperate. Second, there are real and serious benefits to having established some distance on my social anxiety.
January 25th, 2007 by Aaron
Dealing with Social Anxiety One Technique at a Time
One challenge that I have continually faced in dealing with social anxiety is finding consistent time to devote to techniques, journaling, and reflecting. Of course, I regularly deal with social anxiety in my life and so I am working on things in the midst of life, but I have found that social anxiety really does take giving specific time to simply pause and reflect. Finding the time to do that has been difficult for me. School, work, projects, relationships, and so on end up taking priority. Also, I have other practices too, exercise and spiritual specifically. This semester – I tend to mark periods of time in semesters, professional student you know:P – I am focusing on one technique and one technique only: 15 minutes a day of slow talk is my goal. Small, achievable, and effective. Too often I would get frustrated with my lack of consistency that I would just give up altogether. In reality, I was setting too high of expectations for myself. I’m hoping that setting a smaller goal and focusing on only technique will really help me in my life. I chose slow talk because, as Shawn said, like many folks with SAD I talk very fast and at times it really feeds into my anxiety. On the other hand, speaking slowly makes me feel much more relaxed and less anxious. When I speak fast there’s more of a chance of me saying something or speaking in a manner that makes me more anxious. Whereas when I speak more slowly I feel more confident. So, I’ll see where this leads and be sure to share with you.
What has your experience been like in working with social anxiety admist the busyiness of life?
January 22nd, 2007 by Ryan Oelke
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