Archive for the 'Ryan' Category
Dealing with Social Anxiety One Technique at a Time
January 22nd, 2007 by Ryan Oelke
One challenge that I have continually faced in dealing with social anxiety is finding consistent time to devote to techniques, journaling, and reflecting. Of course, I regularly deal with social anxiety in my life and so I am working on things in the midst of life, but I have found that social anxiety really does take giving specific time to simply pause and reflect. Finding the time to do that has been difficult for me. School, work, projects, relationships, and so on end up taking priority. Also, I have other practices too, exercise and spiritual specifically. This semester - I tend to mark periods of time in semesters, professional student you know:P - I am focusing on one technique and one technique only: 15 minutes a day of slow talk is my goal. Small, achievable, and effective. Too often I would get frustrated with my lack of consistency that I would just give up altogether. In reality, I was setting too high of expectations for myself. I’m hoping that setting a smaller goal and focusing on only technique will really help me in my life. I chose slow talk because, as Shawn said, like many folks with SAD I talk very fast and at times it really feeds into my anxiety. On the other hand, speaking slowly makes me feel much more relaxed and less anxious. When I speak fast there’s more of a chance of me saying something or speaking in a manner that makes me more anxious. Whereas when I speak more slowly I feel more confident. So, I’ll see where this leads and be sure to share with you.
What has your experience been like in working with social anxiety admist the busyiness of life?
Social Anxiety and the Holidays
November 20th, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
It’s that time of the year: the holidays. They mean different things to different people, but how about for us with social anxiety? I enjoy the holidays, family neuroses and all, but I notice that I can struggle a bit when I go home to visit family. Familiarity and routine is comforting to me. Although I obviously know my family well, I don’t spend much time with them because I live so far away. Switching up my environment and being around people I have not seen in a while has the potential to make me a bit anxious, on edge. I end up feeling more pressure to find something specific to talk about it. Also, Aimee’ and I are only children and have more attention put on us, particularly since we aren’t around very much. Of course there’s a lot of great things about holidays, but that’s some of the stuff that comes with having social anxiety for me. Also, this is the first time in four years that I’ll be home for Thanksgiving! I’ve always had to work:)
How are the holidays for you?
Social Anxiety Poll: Therapuetic Approaches
November 13th, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
I thought I would try something new today, polling. The question for this post is, what form of therapy have you used in dealing with social anxiety? Now, yes, it’s likely that some of us have used more than one form of therapy, but the poll won’t allow multiple selections:) Also, group therapy is very common, but it is more a technique than a theory. In other words, group therapy can be used with many therapeutic approaches.
In addition to the question, feel free to share your experiences with the particular form(s) of therapy you have used. Or if you have wonderings about any of the approaches, post them as well, and everyone can share their insight.
Replacing Defense Mechanisms (and Other Anxiety Quirks)
November 6th, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
After commenting on Aaron’s post, “It’s Only Life“, I thought I’d elaborate what I said in this post. When we become aware of our defense mechanisms, avoidance behaviors, irrational thought patterns, and in general, our “anxiety quirks”, it’s natural to want to stop them. However, I believe we must be cautious in doing so because we not only need to stop them but develop healthier habits to replace them. All our psychological quirks serve various purposes, but in sum they keep us together in the healthiest way possible.
Social Anxiety and the Physical Environment
October 30th, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
Last week I shared a little exercise I thought of to help differentiate which preferences are personal and which are due to social anxiety. In other words, some of our choices and decisions are our own and some serve our social anxiety. This week I thought I would give an example using the physical environment, meaning the different types of physical contexts we find ourselves in.
Two aspects of physical environments that I take note of are the size of the room and how many people are there. For me this comes up specifically in my educational experiences. Personally, I prefer small classes in small rooms because of the intimacy it affords the learning experience. As for my social anxiety, it prefers large classrooms and lots of people so that I can get lost in the mix, and so I feel “safer”. Read the rest of this entry »
Personal Preferences vs. Social Anxiety Preferences
October 23rd, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
Here’s an exercise that I thought of, one that might help you differentiate what preferences are your personality, or related to your typology, and which are solely due to your experience of social anxiety, habits you’ve built over time. In my post on typology I suggested that over many years we can develop a confusion about what is us and what is your social anxiety alter ego, which causes us existential frustration and further anxiety.
One way to explore this is to take a piece of paper and on the left side, list vertically different areas and aspects of life, such as social gatherings, hobbies, physical environment, interests, etc. Divide the paper into two columns, labeling one “Personal Preferences” and the other “Social Anxiety Preferences”. In the personal column describe what is ideal from your own preferences, free from anxiety. In the social anxiety column describe what your anxiety wants in respect to those different areas of life. Take note of the differences and similarities between the two columns, your personal preferences and what you do when you are social anxious.
What realizations and feelings arise when you compare the two? What other areas could be listed?
Insulating Effect of Established Relationships
October 16th, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
It’s not news to say that those with social anxiety have difficulty and/or avoid starting relationships, but I believe this is even more pronounced when a person has one or more established relationships, whether that is an intimate relationship or a close friendship. The effect is a comfortable insulation from the anxieties of forming new and potentially meaningful relationships. I have noticed this in myself, in that if I have few satisfying relationships, I tend not to push myself to start new ones, even if I am truly interested. It’s certainly possible that a socially anxious person without relationships can be exteremely debilitating, but I also think that the relationships we do have can easily trick us into avoidance and deceptive contentment.
What has been your experience with this? What sort of feelings do you experience? Have you challenged yourself to change this tendency? If so, what methods do you find helpful?
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