Comments on: Appropriateness for a Third Time http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/ An Exploration into Social Anxiety Sun, 13 Jun 2010 05:14:32 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: Aaron http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/comment-page-1/#comment-9094 Aaron Thu, 26 Apr 2007 20:52:32 +0000 http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/#comment-9094 Jennifer -- negative anticipation is definitely a factor for me. You have a good point about the positive qualities of gaging feelings and people. I think the part that feels negative is the obsessive quality of it. And how it is used. Often it's a defense mechanism, a way to be on the lookout for potential anxiety. I think it has, actually, created many positive skills, but the obsessive self-defense nature of it makes it more burdensome than useful sensitivity. Jennifer — negative anticipation is definitely a factor for me. You have a good point about the positive qualities of gaging feelings and people. I think the part that feels negative is the obsessive quality of it. And how it is used. Often it’s a defense mechanism, a way to be on the lookout for potential anxiety. I think it has, actually, created many positive skills, but the obsessive self-defense nature of it makes it more burdensome than useful sensitivity.

]]> By: Jennifer Djordjevic http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/comment-page-1/#comment-8692 Jennifer Djordjevic Tue, 24 Apr 2007 03:25:36 +0000 http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/#comment-8692 Aaron and Jon - You should hear yourselves "talk". Do you both realize that you are actually really good a gauging feelings and people? That's such a great quality to have. I bet the more you become comfortable with that the less anxiety you will feel. Negative anticipation can also be the issue. When you get ready to go places or know that you have to be somewhere, do you start to worry? I used to do that all the time and it would make for some terrible anxiety for most of the day. Now I just say 'Oh to hell with it'. If someone doesnt' like me the way I am then so be it. Easier said than done to be sure. . . Jen Aaron and Jon – You should hear yourselves “talk”. Do you both realize that you are actually really good a gauging feelings and people? That’s such a great quality to have. I bet the more you become comfortable with that the less anxiety you will feel. Negative anticipation can also be the issue. When you get ready to go places or know that you have to be somewhere, do you start to worry? I used to do that all the time and it would make for some terrible anxiety for most of the day. Now I just say ‘Oh to hell with it’. If someone doesnt’ like me the way I am then so be it. Easier said than done to be sure. . .

Jen

]]> By: Aaron http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/comment-page-1/#comment-8179 Aaron Wed, 18 Apr 2007 19:39:15 +0000 http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/#comment-8179 Jon: I'm just as careful around my family as I am anyone else, some members particularly so. And in relationships, I do exactly the same thing, monitor the feeling of any conversation constantly and gauge what to say based on that. It's hard to picture what it would be like to speak without all this calculation. Thanks for the comment. Jon:

I’m just as careful around my family as I am anyone else, some members particularly so. And in relationships, I do exactly the same thing, monitor the feeling of any conversation constantly and gauge what to say based on that. It’s hard to picture what it would be like to speak without all this calculation. Thanks for the comment.

]]> By: Jon Bristow http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/comment-page-1/#comment-7770 Jon Bristow Sat, 14 Apr 2007 00:08:32 +0000 http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/#comment-7770 So strange. I feel this way a lot. Eventually I'll gauge the group's dynamics and begin to play it (In fact, thanks to my anxiety for displeasing others, I've become REALLY good at figuring out the "right" things to say.) to my advantage. However, it's not limited just to large groups. I still find myself analyzing my conversations as I'm talking to make sure I'm not stepping across any boundaries. I even catch myself doing this with my girlfriend and my family. Interesting blog. I found you through del.icio.us in my unending search for more information about AvPD. So strange. I feel this way a lot. Eventually I’ll gauge the group’s dynamics and begin to play it (In fact, thanks to my anxiety for displeasing others, I’ve become REALLY good at figuring out the “right” things to say.) to my advantage.

However, it’s not limited just to large groups. I still find myself analyzing my conversations as I’m talking to make sure I’m not stepping across any boundaries. I even catch myself doing this with my girlfriend and my family.

Interesting blog. I found you through del.icio.us in my unending search for more information about AvPD.

]]> By: Aaron http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/comment-page-1/#comment-6877 Aaron Wed, 04 Apr 2007 17:51:21 +0000 http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/#comment-6877 Jen: I think you're right, focusing on appreciating the folks you are with might help quell that discomfort. I think the discomfort is in my ways the anticipation of a situation that might result in anxiety. Say one particular person who tends to draw attention could be a threat because of the possible attention they would draw to you as well. Jen: I think you’re right, focusing on appreciating the folks you are with might help quell that discomfort.

I think the discomfort is in my ways the anticipation of a situation that might result in anxiety. Say one particular person who tends to draw attention could be a threat because of the possible attention they would draw to you as well.

]]> By: Jennifer Djordjevic http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/comment-page-1/#comment-6405 Jennifer Djordjevic Sun, 01 Apr 2007 18:00:59 +0000 http://www.anxiousliving.com/2007/03/31/social-anxiety-appropriate-third/#comment-6405 Hi Aaron, I have feelings like this sometimes too. Not where it produces extreme anxiety but some discomfort. Why do we feel this way? I think you were right in saying you are projecting your own anxiety about it. You and I wouldn't act in a certain way but it doesn't mean others won't. You are also right in saying that people make thier own choices and they have to live with them. Sometimes I catch myself over-analyzing things a bit too much with perpetuates the anxiety. Maybe it would be helpful to think about all the ways that your friends or accquaintances are unique from you and what you like about those qualities. It may deflect the negative feelings away. Just some random thoughts. . . Jen Hi Aaron,

I have feelings like this sometimes too. Not where it produces extreme anxiety but some discomfort. Why do we feel this way? I think you were right in saying you are projecting your own anxiety about it. You and I wouldn’t act in a certain way but it doesn’t mean others won’t. You are also right in saying that people make thier own choices and they have to live with them. Sometimes I catch myself over-analyzing things a bit too much with perpetuates the anxiety. Maybe it would be helpful to think about all the ways that your friends or accquaintances are unique from you and what you like about those qualities. It may deflect the negative feelings away. Just some random thoughts. . .

Jen

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