Btw, I thought the retro western shirts looked cool. I like the old-school rockabilly style clothing anyway.

I do remember now being younger and my parents belittling me. I don’t remmeber too many exact pxperiences except for one in particular, when I was around 19 and told my folks I wanted to be a EMT and eventually a 911 dispatcher for St Louis City. They told me I would never do it. I did do it, and I think that shut them up after that. Anyway, this is what I really wnated to ask-

I thought maybe I had ADD or something, since I tend to get super excited about something, investigate it fully and maybe even drop money into it, and then switch to something else or just drop it completely. Am I the only one like this? Maybe it is ADD after all.

I’ve had plenty of trouble with perfectionism leading to thinking it better not to try. Perhaps fear of success is also fear of more pressure? The more we succeed the harder it will be to live up to what we think will be expected of us?

I’ve been reading your comments and I wonder if the excitement and then not following through thing is also a fear of failure or a fear of success. God forbid we become successful for that means we’d have to admit we were good at something. We can’t give ourselves that sort of credit. Can we? Fortunately I was not abused as a child however I did grow up with parents who abused alcohol. Sometimes I feel I set standards so high for myself that once I get started I give up. Why even try if I can’t get there? Just some free flowing thoughts. Not sure if they will help. . .

“…why do I always want to quit right after I feel excited about something?”

Exactly. That perfectly describes the way I far too often feel. It’s interesting. And nice to start to pick it apart here. There’s some kind of fear and embarassment that just naturally flows from excitement.

I’m glad the bachelorette party went well. I’ve definately fallen into the role of rube to get through things as well. I often fall into being cynical/self-depreciating in order to have something to say. Though it doesn’t fit every occasion.

Thanks for the comment.

You nailed it. And did we grow up in the same family? I can still hear the echoes. I was thinking earlier this week– while staring down a report and feeling my mind go constipated– why do I always want to quit right after I feel excited about something?

Aaron:

I’m glad you wore the shirt.

Thanks for asking about the bachelorette party. I made it through the whole thing, and although I found myself resorting to familiar tics that seem to give comfort (playing it down, playing the rube, trying not to be too attractive or too wordy), it was good to be able to share it with the bride-to-be. But I was exhausted by the end– I feel like such an interloper. I’m continuing to learn.

Seeing it as an inner child thing is very helpful. Thank you for pointing that out. Your stories from childhood sound a lot like the kinds of things I remember being told. And then, of course, they became the things I told myself.