Anxious Living

A Moment at the Store

November 30th, 2006 by Aaron

So this is about dissecting a moment of experience. A moment when social anxiety came into play and I dealt with it fairly well. A small moment to anyone watching. But a moment that reflects a lot of what I have been trying to write about here.
I was at the store. I spent a few minutes making small talk with the cashier. And that’s all. But it was making small talk in a crowded public place, where lots of people overheard it, and it was small talk with a stranger. I intensely dislike crowded stores and I dread check-out time. I feel like I should be engaging but I rarely am.

So this moment was a small victory. And it was also, in its way, a goal (because successfully dealing with talking to people, no matter how short or simple the conversation, is now basically a constant goal for me). It was a challenge met and bested. It allowed me a chance to find perspective in looking back over my progress. I may not be able to create openings for conversation very well, but I have gotten half decent at taking an opening presented by someone else and engaging them. It’s not something I’ve always been able to do.

I didn’t think about all this as the conversation happened. I just tried to listen to the other person and keep myself calm. I worked at coming up with things to say. So I can see something else in this moment. I can recognize that all of this talking and writing about social anxiety is actually helping. Seeing this exchange in the light I am is a much different relationship to my discomfort around other people than I had only a year ago.

It feels weird to be taking my own advice, building on what I have been learning as I inquire into my social anxiety, but there it is.

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2 Responses to “A Moment at the Store”

1. Ryan Oelke wrote on 12/1/06 at 7:14 pm :

   cheers for your victory:) I know the challenge and for some reason small talk is sometimes more bothersome to me than a deep conversation with others. weird.

   Thanks for sharing your experience:)

2. Aaron wrote on 12/6/06 at 4:29 pm :

   Thanks for the encouragement. I find small talk very difficult. I sometimes think that by avoiding so many social situations over the years I made it so that I never developed the small talk skill set. Longer, deeper conversations I can definately handle better.

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