Anxious Living

Internal and External

November 10th, 2006 by dashh

I have been rereading Nathanial Branden’s book The Art of Living Consciously recently and came across a passage that is very relevant to those of us with social anxieties. Dr. Branden is discussing a client of his that was having trouble with social events she had been attending. Basically her shyness and social anxiety was causing her a lot of problems during parties that she was attending with her boyfriend.

Dr. Branden proposes an experiment that deals with where we focus our attention and energy during events that bring on the social anxiety. From the book:

“I proposed that we conduct an experiment. I pointed out that one more social disappointment wouldn’t really make that much difference, and there was a chance something unexpected might happen and something valuable might be learned if she would be willing to do what I suggested.

From the moment you walk into the party, I said, I’d like you to concentrate on noticing how much you can see and hear. Notice in detail what people are wearing. Notice the furniture and decorations in the room. Pay attention to the tone of voice in which people speak. Try to hear every word said in your presence. Aggress on the environment with your senses.”

His client tried this technique and at their next session was very excited at how much it helped. She noticed that focusing externally helped to bring about a calming effect within her. She felt much more present and was able to pay attention. In the past, I have attended many a social event and can hardly remember anything that was said. I would be so focused internally with all kinds of automatic negative thoughts and anxiety that I could not concentrate and pay attention. My focus was internally and on getting out of the situation.

I have tried to focus more externally at times and it does seem to help. Bringing more mindfulness to any situation and reminding yourself to come back to the moment is one way to do that. Sometimes I just silently say, “come back” and refocus – much like I do when I meditate. I think this also relates to being more proactive versus reactive (easier said than done many times) in social situations like I talked about in a previous post.

Dr. Branden goes on to explain:

“Only then did I explain that when we are frightened, we typically pull energy in to our center, seeing less, hearing less – shrinking consciousness precisely when we need to expand it. The purpose of her assignment at the party was to keep her energy flowing outward, because if she did, consciousness would triumph over fear, as it did.”

Consciousness over fear – a wonderful way to describe the challenge of social anxiety.

Has anyone out there noticed this affect of drawing your energy inward and has anyone been able to focus externally more in a situation to reduce social anxiety?

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