Archive for October, 2006
Announcement: Anxious Living Ma.gnolia Group
October 31st, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
We’ve opened up our bookmarking group at Ma.gnolia. Now anyone can submit bookmarks:) Be sure to use good tags and lots of them when sending a bookmark to the group!
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Social Anxiety and the Physical Environment
October 30th, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
Last week I shared a little exercise I thought of to help differentiate which preferences are personal and which are due to social anxiety. In other words, some of our choices and decisions are our own and some serve our social anxiety. This week I thought I would give an example using the physical environment, meaning the different types of physical contexts we find ourselves in.
Two aspects of physical environments that I take note of are the size of the room and how many people are there. For me this comes up specifically in my educational experiences. Personally, I prefer small classes in small rooms because of the intimacy it affords the learning experience. As for my social anxiety, it prefers large classrooms and lots of people so that I can get lost in the mix, and so I feel “safer”. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s Only Life
October 25th, 2006 by Aaron
Lately, I have been trying to work at using phrase reminders when my anxiety flairs up. But I find it is a little at odds with what I have always seen as my natural disposition.
I have been a cynic for as a long as I can remember. I’m willing to concede that I am the disappointed romantic breed of cynic. But the cynicism runs deep and I have drawn from it often.
Personal Preferences vs. Social Anxiety Preferences
October 23rd, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
Here’s an exercise that I thought of, one that might help you differentiate what preferences are your personality, or related to your typology, and which are solely due to your experience of social anxiety, habits you’ve built over time. In my post on typology I suggested that over many years we can develop a confusion about what is us and what is your social anxiety alter ego, which causes us existential frustration and further anxiety.
One way to explore this is to take a piece of paper and on the left side, list vertically different areas and aspects of life, such as social gatherings, hobbies, physical environment, interests, etc. Divide the paper into two columns, labeling one “Personal Preferences” and the other “Social Anxiety Preferences”. In the personal column describe what is ideal from your own preferences, free from anxiety. In the social anxiety column describe what your anxiety wants in respect to those different areas of life. Take note of the differences and similarities between the two columns, your personal preferences and what you do when you are social anxious.
What realizations and feelings arise when you compare the two? What other areas could be listed?
Catastrophic Thoughts
October 18th, 2006 by Aaron
I was driving on the freeway, thinking through various possible outcomes for an upcoming social situation, when I realized something. It wasn’t any new piece of information, nothing I wasn’t already conscious of, but it summed up particularly well an aspect of social anxiety. I’m thinking specifically of a tendency towards catastrophic thoughts.
Here is how it works: I believe that one wrong thing said or done could doom any relationship, any endeavor, any opportunity.
Insulating Effect of Established Relationships
October 16th, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
It’s not news to say that those with social anxiety have difficulty and/or avoid starting relationships, but I believe this is even more pronounced when a person has one or more established relationships, whether that is an intimate relationship or a close friendship. The effect is a comfortable insulation from the anxieties of forming new and potentially meaningful relationships. I have noticed this in myself, in that if I have few satisfying relationships, I tend not to push myself to start new ones, even if I am truly interested. It’s certainly possible that a socially anxious person without relationships can be exteremely debilitating, but I also think that the relationships we do have can easily trick us into avoidance and deceptive contentment.
What has been your experience with this? What sort of feelings do you experience? Have you challenged yourself to change this tendency? If so, what methods do you find helpful?
Social Anxiety and Self-Esteem
October 11th, 2006 by Aaron
I’ve always had low self-esteem. I’ve tried at various times to pretend that I don’t, that it’s just a particular run of bad luck and that’ll be much happier with myself when I’m doing better. But the truth is I’ve never felt all that positively towards who I am.
I read recently in the Social Anxiety Institute’s Social Anxiety Mailing List, mentioned by Dashh (with a link to sign up) in a recent comment, that low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence can be caused by social anxiety. I had always assumed that they all sprung from the same ground. Or honestly, I assumed having low self-esteem was why I have social anxiety and lack confidence. It’s interesting to consider it as happening the other way around.
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