Comments on: Existential Congruency and Social Anxiety http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/09/11/existential-congruency-and-social-anxiety/ An Exploration into Social Anxiety Sun, 13 Jun 2010 05:14:32 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: Ryan Oelke http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/09/11/existential-congruency-and-social-anxiety/comment-page-1/#comment-2343 Ryan Oelke Sun, 11 Feb 2007 16:51:41 +0000 http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/09/11/existential-congruency-and-social-anxiety/#comment-2343 Hey Ansela, thanks for sharing your experiences with this. Finding meaning, or aligning our external world with our internal world, can be quite a challenge - I don't know that it's ever something that's "finished". Viktor Frankl, father of Logotherapy and the existential movement in psychology, describes life as this continuous process of finding meaning. That is the nature of life. We are left with infinite choices and the responsibility to make those. If we don't or we choose things not in line with our being, we feel emptiness, discontinuity. I think this is important to remember. If we grasp at some grand final resting place, we might be disappointed. And I think that there is excitement and life in discovering moment to moment. But on a more practical level, aka how the hell do you do that, well, I'm not entirely sure I have any good answers. Something that I have been using as a mantra for others and myself is that if you're not having new input and new experiences come into your being, then you won't change. So, if you continuously search for new experiences and new input - reading a book, talking to someone, trying something out - I think we'll find what we are looking for. If we do nothing, we get nothing new. You sound like you already have an impetus: School is BS. I say hold on to that, water it, feed the feeling. That's what happened with me. I didn't push it away and eventually I completely agreed and decided to do something about it, though at the time I had no idea what. But I kept seeking. Hey Ansela, thanks for sharing your experiences with this. Finding meaning, or aligning our external world with our internal world, can be quite a challenge – I don’t know that it’s ever something that’s “finished”. Viktor Frankl, father of Logotherapy and the existential movement in psychology, describes life as this continuous process of finding meaning. That is the nature of life. We are left with infinite choices and the responsibility to make those. If we don’t or we choose things not in line with our being, we feel emptiness, discontinuity. I think this is important to remember. If we grasp at some grand final resting place, we might be disappointed. And I think that there is excitement and life in discovering moment to moment.

But on a more practical level, aka how the hell do you do that, well, I’m not entirely sure I have any good answers. Something that I have been using as a mantra for others and myself is that if you’re not having new input and new experiences come into your being, then you won’t change. So, if you continuously search for new experiences and new input – reading a book, talking to someone, trying something out – I think we’ll find what we are looking for. If we do nothing, we get nothing new. You sound like you already have an impetus: School is BS. I say hold on to that, water it, feed the feeling. That’s what happened with me. I didn’t push it away and eventually I completely agreed and decided to do something about it, though at the time I had no idea what. But I kept seeking.

]]> By: Ansela http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/09/11/existential-congruency-and-social-anxiety/comment-page-1/#comment-2273 Ansela Fri, 09 Feb 2007 18:06:01 +0000 http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/09/11/existential-congruency-and-social-anxiety/#comment-2273 Wow, what an interesting site/post. I am currently going back to school....which is terrible for me regarding a kind of Task Anxiety I have as well as having no 'regular' social contact associated with my previous jobs. Studying is Very lonely and empty for me. (I looked that the Time Yoga post and I have major issues with meaningless). SCHOOL feels 'existentially incongruent' to me...I feel like so much of it is total 'BS', etc. but it is a means to an end that will hopefully feel More congruent than my office jobs. Any thoughts? Wow, what an interesting site/post. I am currently going back to school….which is terrible for me regarding a kind of Task Anxiety I have as well as having no ‘regular’ social contact associated with my previous jobs. Studying is Very lonely and empty for me. (I looked that the Time Yoga post and I have major issues with meaningless). SCHOOL feels ‘existentially incongruent’ to me…I feel like so much of it is total ‘BS’, etc. but it is a means to an end that will hopefully feel More congruent than my office jobs. Any thoughts?

]]> By: Ryan Oelke http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/09/11/existential-congruency-and-social-anxiety/comment-page-1/#comment-1994 Ryan Oelke Wed, 31 Jan 2007 17:49:03 +0000 http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/09/11/existential-congruency-and-social-anxiety/#comment-1994 Hey Katyusha, thanks for sharing your experience. <bloackquote="Faking it has brought me a series of supposed accomplishments that only make me feel more anxious in retrospect"> So true for me as well. I did well with many experiences, jobs, commitments but because it didn't feel like "me", I really was even more anxious. I would then trap myself in it a bit because I wanted to be able to do and not be anxious, like proving something to myself. Now, I'm much more comfortable saying, "that's just not me" and moving on, though it has taken me a lot of will power:) Hey Katyusha, thanks for sharing your experience.
So true for me as well. I did well with many experiences, jobs, commitments but because it didn’t feel like “me”, I really was even more anxious. I would then trap myself in it a bit because I wanted to be able to do and not be anxious, like proving something to myself. Now, I’m much more comfortable saying, “that’s just not me” and moving on, though it has taken me a lot of will power:)

]]> By: Katyusha http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/09/11/existential-congruency-and-social-anxiety/comment-page-1/#comment-1939 Katyusha Tue, 30 Jan 2007 00:18:21 +0000 http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/09/11/existential-congruency-and-social-anxiety/#comment-1939 I'm grateful I stumbled on your post. I painfully agree that lack of fit only deepens social anxiety. I'm beginning to lose faith in the "fake it 'til you make it" school in this respect. Faking it has brought me a series of supposed accomplishments that only make me feel more anxious in retrospect. I recently got a promotion, but instead of feeling I've made it, the anxiety has started to black out my ability to think. I'm making myself right back into a 10-year-old me. (There must be some defense mechanism at work here.) That said, as frightening as it is to try to just be me, I feel there's going to be value there. Thanks again for this site. I'm looking forward to reading around. I’m grateful I stumbled on your post. I painfully agree that lack of fit only deepens social anxiety. I’m beginning to lose faith in the “fake it ’til you make it” school in this respect. Faking it has brought me a series of supposed accomplishments that only make me feel more anxious in retrospect. I recently got a promotion, but instead of feeling I’ve made it, the anxiety has started to black out my ability to think. I’m making myself right back into a 10-year-old me. (There must be some defense mechanism at work here.)

That said, as frightening as it is to try to just be me, I feel there’s going to be value there.

Thanks again for this site. I’m looking forward to reading around.

]]> By: William Harryman http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/09/11/existential-congruency-and-social-anxiety/comment-page-1/#comment-539 William Harryman Wed, 13 Sep 2006 03:50:35 +0000 http://www.anxiousliving.com/2006/09/11/existential-congruency-and-social-anxiety/#comment-539 Hey Ryan, Good post. I think you have a point. When I was working in sales/marketing, I was miserable. That's the job in which I developed the "mask" approach, and it worked, but I was still miserable because I didn't like what I was doing. I love being a trainer. Certainly working one-on-one with my clients helps a lot. But loving what I do helps me get past the trying times when I am anxious and uncomfortable. For those who have the option, or who can make a change, I would suggest that creating existential congruency should be of great use in dealing with SA. Peace, Bill Hey Ryan,

Good post. I think you have a point. When I was working in sales/marketing, I was miserable. That’s the job in which I developed the “mask” approach, and it worked, but I was still miserable because I didn’t like what I was doing.

I love being a trainer. Certainly working one-on-one with my clients helps a lot. But loving what I do helps me get past the trying times when I am anxious and uncomfortable.

For those who have the option, or who can make a change, I would suggest that creating existential congruency should be of great use in dealing with SA.

Peace,
Bill

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