Stress and Social Anxiety
August 23rd, 2006 by Aaron
This last week has been bad for me. Lots of stress, which leads to lots of anxiety. I definitely have a lot more trouble with social anxiety when under stress. In fact, the two feed off each other. The more anxiety I have the harder it becomes to handle the stress.
This week I noticed something else. When my anxiety is flaring up, I often relive old moments of anxiety and think about how they could have gone wrong, how I could have been much more embarrassed than I was, how I could have been caught and called on what I was trying to hide. And I feel the stress again. I’ll actually feel the physical symptoms of anxiety just thinking about a particularly stressful incidence.
I’m not sure why this happens. I’ve known for a while that certain incidents can stay with me all day. What I hadn’t realized is just how long some experiences linger.
There was a particular incident where I used to work that I found myself thinking about again this week. We’d screwed up and owed somebody a phone call to explain what had happened. No one wanted to make it and so it fell to me in a chain of command kind of way.
I stressed a lot over the call, anticipating how difficult it could be, imaging all the ways I could make life miserable for everyone at the office if it went badly. I felt even worse because I was trying to hide from everyone I worked with just how nervous such things make me. I put it off until after lunch. But when I got back I had no choice. I made the call.
It went surprisingly well and put a stop to any kind of situation that could have developed. But I found myself revisiting the anticipation of making the call for the rest of the day. I kept replaying it in my head and thinking of all the ways I could have blown it. I felt the physical symptoms and a familiar sense of building dread over and over.
At it’s worst, anxiety feels like a malevolent background presence. The moment I let my guard down there it is, ready to take over my thoughts and make them run, reliving all my most anxious moments. One extended bout of stress and there’s little I can do to keep it under control.
Even writing about it like this is bringing up anxious feelings.
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2 Responses to “Stress and Social Anxiety”
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Gus Farrah wrote on 08/24/06 at 10:18 pm :
Hi Aaron,
Great posts, keep it up man, they are very inspiring, I was very anxious tonight, but after reading a few of these posts and leaving some comments I got to come down. I live in Costa Rica, so if you are planning on vacations, you’re welcome. Drop me a line at:
vote2life at gmail , I am looking for friends.
Take care.
Aaron wrote on 08/25/06 at 6:18 pm :
Gus: I’m really glad my posts helped. It makes me feel good. Writing about SA has certainly helped me to start getting a handle on it. Reading the other posts and comments here help me feel inspired and keep me wanting to do the work.
Costa Rica. Wow, I should be so lucky as to get down there someday.
Thanks again for the kind words and encouragement.