Going Online with Social Anxiety
July 24th, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
One of the environments that has facilitated the most change for me is online communities, in my case, the blogosphere and now Zaadz. I have a feeling that others have found being online to be a safe place to experiment and challenge oneself. For most with social anxiety being face-to-face with people creates much more anxiety than does interacting online1. There are a few different mediums of social interaction online, the most common being2:
- Blogs. Posting and commenting.
- Forums, Message Boards. These are everywhere, including Social Anxiety Support.
- Email.
- Chatting.
- Instant Messaging.
What I like about online is that I feel more in control and I’m able to choose my level of interaction. The main difference, for me, between face-to-face and online is I am able to choose how much of myself I want to expose at a given time, whereas in meat space, as it’s called, it’s more like being naked. Also, it’s like having a remote control that pauses social interaction (chatting and instant messaging being the partial exception).
With exposing yourself, you can choose exactly what you want others to know3 and even adopt a different name. What’s great about this is that we worry so much about what others will think of us and being able to decide what parts of you to show - how much and when - can give us space enough to actually push ourselves a little. And all at our own pace. When I first started Integral Awakening, I definitely did not share as much about myself as I do now. But at the time, that was plenty!:) Writing a small post was perfect for where I was at with social anxiety and challenged me just enough for what I could handle.
The ability to pause and freeze-frame in online interaction also gives us space and slows things down. As Shawn mentioned in his post on slow talk, those of us with social anxiety tend to speed up communication because of our anxiety, but when we slow it down, we generally will do and feel much better and more confident. So, let’s take a blog post or a post in an online forum. Even as I’m writing this, I am able to stop at any moment and just think, breath. Much different than face-to-face where pausing for even a short time might cause me anxiety. Plus, as I write this, you have no idea I’m writing it!:) Less pressure for me. Obviously, I want to improve my experience in live interactions, but this is a great way to grow. Personally, I can tell you that my online interaction has been invaluable in making change with my social anxiety, simply for the reasons I’ve stated.
Now, online still comes with its difficulties. Choosing how much we want to share can turn into a prison that’s hard to get out of. Pausing can turn into obsessing about what we write (and for us bloggers, stat obsession in search of validation). I know all of these too well. But everything comes with risks and overall I think online offers a great happy medium to experiment and change.
What has your experience been with online interactions?
I am currently on a meditation retreat and will respond to comments when I return August 20. Feel free to comment as fellow readers and the authors will join in.
- Not necessarily all folks with SAD. Each of us has our own unique situations that raise our anxiety. Also, for some, any social interacting causes incapacitating social anxiety. [back]
- Of course, there are other mediums facilitated by the web, such as phone calls, but I consider this the same thing as using a land line or cell phone. Online communication is different, as you’ll see in this post. [back]
- heck, you could even lie!!:P [back]
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Aaron wrote on 07/28/06 at 11:37 am :
I wanted to second everything that Ryan has said here. Not only has online communication greatly helped me in dealing with social anxiety, but it was through reading blog posts and researching online that I first realized I needed to seriously look into whether I have SAD.
One of the great things about online communication is that you can take a step back to give yourself some breathing room and it will go completely unnoticed. You can work at conversation and not have the fear that people will see how uneasy it makes you. It’s been a lot of help for me.