Comments on: Subtle and not so subtle avoidances

By: Ryan Oelke

Ryan Oelke — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 18:52:20 +0000

Hey Shawn, thanks for posting this. It helped remind me to pay attention to those subtle avoidance behaviors, which I tend not to even notice, and even in reflection I don’t give them much importance. But really, all this little behaviors add up and are just as powerful for me in perpetuating my SA experiences.

I do many of the same things you and others mentioned. Often I just superificially see it as simply being “easier” rather than about my SA, which is really the case.

By: Gus Farrah

Gus Farrah — Wed, 02 Aug 2006 05:05:00 +0000

Hey Shawn,

I just found this blog, I am starting my own online process too, I was looking for your blog, dashh at typad, but it looks like is down, are you still posting on it?

I read your section about the authors, and pretty much agree with your perspective towards Social Anxiety, I see it now as a chance of learning about the subject and maybe become an “expert” and be able to help myself and others throughout this learning experience, I am going to start my own blog.

Will like to hear from you, keep it up man, I like your writing very much, is very inspiring.

Take care, Gus Farrah.

By: Francis

Francis — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 21:43:17 +0000

Ohhh.. avoiding the phone is… avoiding? I do that a lot. I hate talking on the phone. I don’t even really know why. I used to talk on the phone a lot when I was a kid. Chatted with my friends. But now, it seems when the phone rings I am in trouble about something. Just like if someone knocks on the front door.

By: Shawn

Shawn — Sat, 08 Jul 2006 13:00:10 +0000

Hey Duff,

I can totally relate to the eye contact thing. My problem is that when I actually do make eye contact I usually get very self conscious and then lose my train of thought and kinda blank out sometimes.

One of the things I’ve worked on is while walking in a public place trying to make very brief eye contact with others as they walk by. To up the anxiety just a tad and be more proactice I also will try smiling at a few people and then to up it even more I try to just say hello. The main thing is that being proactive and taking the initiatve really seems to lower my anxiety because I am not always re-acting to everyone else!

-s

By: duff

duff — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 20:50:20 +0000

I remember as a teenager one particularly embarrassing and anxiety producing incident.

I was at the mall with my mom and we ran into a girl that I knew and I shyly looked at the ground while talking to her, in part because I was attracted to her. Afterwards my mom scolded me for not looking people in the eyes when I talked to them, which doubled the intensity of my anxiety!

Poor mom, she was doing her best!

It’s taken me a long time to be able to hold long eye contact, and then even longer to figure out when to hold long eye contact and when not to! Luckily this stuff gets easier with practice, especially when you practice doing something you are afraid of and either consciously relaxing while doing it or consciously being courageous and confident, using your breathing and physiology (posture, gestures, facial expressions, etc) to either relax or do confidence.