I’ll have to remind myself about, “being alone anxiety.” It’s an interesting way to see it. I am very happy to spend hours alone reading or writing or just hanging around.

This reframe has helped me to escape from the trap of thinking I’m “f*cked up and others aren’t,” while also acknowledging that I’ve got certain areas that could use some improving.

It sure is tricky to tease apart, but also necessary to inquire int–to prevent what I sometimes see in myself: a new neurotic behavior of wanting to ALWAYS be comfortable in any social situation, and if I’m not totally comfortable, getting uncomfortable with my discomfort, which spins me out into anxiety! Oh the webs we weave….

I happen to know that most extroverts are extroverted because they fear being alone. So the other trap that labeling a set of cognitive-behavioral patterns something like SAD is that you end up labeling a huge percentage of the population with DSMIV psychological diseases. This can create a cultural meme that “everybody is f*cked up” or a fiction that there is something called “normal.”

But of course if you feel you have SAD, then there is a real problem that needs addressing. It’s just good to keep it in context.

Someone willing to take a walk with you can be incredibly helpful, which was why it was nice to sometimes have an understanding friend along. Even if they didn’t explicitly understand what was going on, they were usually happy to humor me for a while. I’ve also developed the habit of using humor, usually fairly cynical or sarcastic, to release tension. Interesting.

Francis:

I’m with you. If I could have taken a dog along I’d have done so in a heartbeat.

Duff:

At this point I’d have a really hard time trying to pick apart what is SAD and what is just my personality. Might be an interesting exercise. I am introvert. But how much of that is because of anxiety? With social functions the intensity of discomfort is enough that I know SAD is playing a big part. Then again there are other things that used to give me a fair amount of anxiety that I eventually got somewhat comfortable with (like being on the phone all day at work). It’s a tricky topic.

It gets especially tricky if you hang out with therapists and other such people on a path of growth, because they will often label your normal and healthy personality style as neurotic and compulsive…and at one level they are right, and at another they are dead wrong. It can really mess with your head, as I know from experience….

Even though most people consider me to be extroverted nowadays, I still usually avoid parties like the plague. I’ve become pretty good at managing them and being social when I need to be, but it’s just not something I enjoy as a primary activity. I could say this is due to social anxiety since I do feel some anxiety typically at parties, but that seems like a real stretch of the terminology. But even then it is subtle and tricky, because it’s all too easy to avoid some social situations out of fear…so it’s a constant practice to check in and feel whether it is fear or simple preference!

It’s hard for me to notice, at times, what is SAD and what’s my personality. Obviously, there are times where it’s very clearly SAD, but other times is it my personality or subtle SAD habits I’ve developed over time. When I read you post, I was like “Yeah, Aaron, I’ll go on a walk with you! Let’s get out of here!!”:) You know, hard for me to tell what that’s about, but I know I’d be there with ya.

One strange way that I cope, which makes me more anxious, is being the comedian. I tend to be know as a funny guy, the comic, and sometimes I have a compulsion to be that. Not sure how that helps me in the short term. But I know it just makes me more anxious being the center of attention.