Archive for July, 2006
Social Anxiety in a Public Job
July 31st, 2006 by William Harryman
When I sent my resume to Bally Total Fitness in application for the job of fitness trainer, I never really expected them to call me. When they did call, I never really expected to get the job. When the interview went well and the audition went even better, I still didn’t even hope to work there. But they hired me, which meant that I would be working in a very busy commercial gym every day.
Getting this job was the culmination of eight years of really wanting to be a fitness trainer. And I was totally freaked out that it was happening.
There’s no such thing as “normal”
July 28th, 2006 by duff
When I first started working on my shyness (back before there was a DSM name for it), my goal was to become “normal.” In fact, when I was a little kid I desperately wanted to be of average height (I’m super tall), have straight brown hair instead of my curly locks, and be named “Michael” because I thought that was the most normal name I could think of. Maybe then I wouldn’t be made fun of or feel weird and awkward all the time.
At one point during my journey with social anxiety I realized that my path wasn’t headed towards normal–as if normal was in Florida and I started in California on a trajectory towards Maine. I was headed somewhere, but I just wasn’t ever going to get to this “normal” place.
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Accept or Push Through?
July 27th, 2006 by Aaron
I went to a weekend meditation class and had some interesting experiences with social anxiety. For the most part we were either sitting or walking in silence or listening to a talk. It was simple, an easy way for the socially anxious to be in a large group. But there were lunch periods and, worst of all, a reception at the end of the weekend.
But the nature of the weekend, the repeated instructions to not be so attached to one’s thoughts, got me to looking at my social anxiety from a different angle.
Going Online with Social Anxiety
July 24th, 2006 by Ryan Oelke
One of the environments that has facilitated the most change for me is online communities, in my case, the blogosphere and now Zaadz. I have a feeling that others have found being online to be a safe place to experiment and challenge oneself. For most with social anxiety being face-to-face with people creates much more anxiety than does interacting online1. There are a few different mediums of social interaction online, the most common being2:
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- Not necessarily all folks with SAD. Each of us has our own unique situations that raise our anxiety. Also, for some, any social interacting causes incapacitating social anxiety. [back]
- Of course, there are other mediums facilitated by the web, such as phone calls, but I consider this the same thing as using a land line or cell phone. Online communication is different, as you’ll see in this post. [back]
Perfectionism, Validation, Comfort
July 19th, 2006 by Aaron
A common trait of the socially anxious, according to Painfully Shy (and The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook), is perfectionism. I see it in myself all the time. It is a hyper vigilance born of the need to avoid rejection. Anything I present to the world, no matter how small, must be so perfect that no fault can be found. This is why I rehearse so frequently anything I am about to say or do.
You can image the kinds of pressure this eventually creates.
Duff’s Story: Progress is Possible!
July 17th, 2006 by duff
I had Social Anxiety Disorder way before I knew there was such a thing. But there is a way out, and for the most part I’ve kicked this thing called social anxiety–far more than I ever thought possible growing up.
For the first 20 or so years of my life, I was painfully shy–excruciatingly so. Hell, I peed my pants in class many, many times until early high school because I was too scared to ask permission to use the bathroom! I cried in class so often throughout grade school, middle school, and yes, even high school that I thought I’d never be socially “normal.”
Distraction
July 12th, 2006 by Aaron
This is going to touch on another aspect of avoidance mechanisms. As I read explained in Painfully Shy, one common trait of the socially anxious is the need for and use of distraction.
Anxiety can feel like a constant buzzing discomfort. It’s a voice that refuses to stop telling you that you are not as you should be. Distraction is a way of making the mind so busy it does not have time to listen to this voice. Thirty minutes spent completely distracted is thirty minutes spent not in the grip of anxious thoughts.
Time spent distracted is also, frequently, time spent alone or in the company of the people who make you the most comfortable.
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