Anxious Living

Shawn’s Intro – SA past to present

June 23rd, 2006 by dashh

I wanted to share some about my experiences with social anxiety and social anxiety disorder (SAD) in my intro post here at Anxious Living. As I reflect back, my issues with social anxiety seemed to develop full on during my first few years of undergraduate study in college. I have always been shy and naturally an introvert, but had lots of friends and I was pretty social growing up and through high school. With the start of college though, there was a gradual shift to a more self-conscious and withdrawn person than I’d ever been before. Over the first few years I became isolated to only a few friends and a more and more limited experience the social opportunities that many seem to embrace in college. In high school I had worked in an athletic shoe store dealing with public almost daily but left that job and started taking jobs during the summers where I could avoid as much social contact as possible. My self consciousness and anxiety grew to the point of avoiding eye contact with anyone on campus, not getting my haircut for months on end, physical symptoms from anxiety and even a full blown panic attack driving to class one day where I just wanted to turn around and go home. I avoided a public speaking class until my senior year and almost skipped classes when we had to present our speeches and I never participated in class discussions and froze up when called on in class. Needless to say I was suffering.

After college, unlike most new graduates, I avoided interviews with potential employers out of fear and anxiety. Although I was an excellent student I did not work for almost a year and finally landed a job much below my abilities and education. This is very common for people with SAD – we end up going for the safe, comfortable jobs that don’t challenge our social fears and that enable us to avoid social situations. After a few years I wanted to change careers and stop working to pursue school full-time again. I took courses in exercise science and basic sciences in order to apply to physical therapy school. But after a year or so I couldn’t afford to not be working so went back into the accounting field. Around that time I had a relationship (my only “real” one that lasted a year) that ended very badly for me and that experience drove me to therapy. What a Godsend that turned out to me though because I finally found out about anxiety, social anxiety and depression at that time. I started bibliotherapy by reading Feeling Good by David Burns, which is a great book on cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT). Another great book that helped me at that time was The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne, which inspired me to begin meditation. I worked a lot on my own using CBT techniques to begin to become more aware of my thoughts, feelings and emotions and to identify all the automatic negative thinking that controlled my life. I also started journaling daily to also be more aware of my inner life and to express myself.

I then applied to physical therapy school and was accepted at Duke. I had made some great progress in therapy and was able to get through the interviews on campus quite well. The program required me to move away from my hometown, which was a great challenge and great exposure for my social anxiety issues. Unfortunately I did not continue therapy after I moved and after a year of school the stress, anxiety and depression set in once again. The program was pretty grueling with classes from 8 – 5 and then homework, reading, clinicals, you name it. There was a lot of patient contact and lots of “performing” in many of the classes that kept me in a state of ongoing anxiety. Classes required participation, presentations, etc. which of course added further social anxiety pressures to the mix. At the beginning of the semester I was elected Treasurer of the class, but during the year became paralyzed with fear and anxiety of the role and the responsibilities it required. In a nutshell I was a mess. I also was finding out that both professionally and financially the program was not for me so all of that combined drove my decision to leave the program. I disclosed my issues of social anxiety to my advisor and they were more than willing to help me deal with it in classes and clinicals (which I am very thankful for), but in the end I felt I made the right decision to withdraw at that time.

I was at a very low point and the suffering was very great at this time in my life. I started visiting the Social Anxiety Support (SAS) web site forum and participating in an online class where we went through a great book which I highly recommend called The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook by Antony and Swinson. At this time I also began a journey into spiritual practice and discovery – especially in terms of Buddhist teachings and meditation, which I continue to this day. I then found a local social anxiety support group and another therapist, both of which have helped me tremendously the past few years.

I still struggle and find myself taking steps back but the hold and identification with the anxiety and depression has ever so gradually lessened over time. The one common denominator that I will say that helps is practice…whether it be CBT, behavior/exposure exercises, relaxation techniques, meditation or whatever else the bottom line is you have to put the effort and commit to practice. With time you will experience the changes and transformations necessary to move past the suffering of social anxiety disorder. You will be able to do things you have always wanted to but just couldn’t in the past. It can happen with persistence and effort. I still have many goals and issues to deal with when it comes to my social anxiety, but I feel the steps forward I have made can be realized by any one of you out there suffering. May you be healthy and peaceful on your own path to freedom from fear.

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6 Responses to “Shawn’s Intro – SA past to present”

1. Francis wrote on 06/28/06 at 3:18 pm :

   I appreciate your post. The books you talk about seem to be quite helpful. I have read a few SA books but I haven’t quite done the exercises. Knowledge helps but mostly likely action is the only way to solve this.

2. Shawn wrote on 06/29/06 at 7:58 am :

   Hello Francis and thanks for the comment. The books are very helpful and a good start to getting a better handle on SAD and to development more self-awareness in general.

   The harder step, like you mentioned, is actually the doing part - working on those exercises and that has been my struggle over the years. So I think a good combo of knowledge and practice is the key to moving past this and living the life you really want to live.

   Thanks again,

   Shawn

3. Tony wrote on 10/3/06 at 3:33 pm :

   Hi Shawn I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I also suffer from social anxiety, I’m wandering if you know of any good therapists who specialize in treating social anxiety in Kelowna, British Columbia, Canada or the surrounding area. I’m also interesed in any support groups that may be available in my area. Any advice, information you can provide on this would be appreciated. Thanks.

4. dashh wrote on 10/5/06 at 9:28 am :

   Hello Tony,

   Thanks for the comment! For therapists I would suggest checking out these sites:

   http://www.adaa.org/GettingHelp/FindATherapist.asp

   http://www.anxietycanada.ca/newenglish.htm

   http://www.mentalhealthcanada.com/

   I believe there may be info on support groups at some of those as well. Also, you may want to join Dr. Richards’ mailing list from the Social Anxiety Institute. It normally has a listing of support groups all over the US and Canada. Here is the link to subscribe:

   http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/mailing.html

   Good luck!

   Shawn

5. JeffreyCentex wrote on 11/14/06 at 8:19 pm :

   Hey Shawn… Long time no hear… (from SAS chat and forums)…

   Glad to hear that things are better for you.

6. Shawn wrote on 11/15/06 at 7:45 am :

   Hey Jeffrey!! Very long time no hear - I’m so glad you found the site. It is a small virtual world huh?? hehe

   How have things been going? I haven’t been over to the SAS chat and forums in forever…think I’ll pop over there and see what’s going on. Probably a good idea to plug our blog as well. Hope all is well with you my friend.

   -Shawn

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